Reasons to Love Your Batty Czech Neighbor

# 78.  She says things like, "May I borrow your veet vacker?"

#79.  Large jars of moonshine made by her Cousin Something in the old country.

Too bad for the rest of you

Did I mention? Only people with the same last name are allowed to follow my blog.

at the store

Owen: "Mama, can I have a treat?"
Me: "We already have treats at home. We have a zillion treats at home. We have treats out the yang!"
Owen: "......Mama, where IS the yang?"

The Criminal Mastermind

Alec, at a younger age, used to run around the house with fistfuls of marbles (yes, I let my small children play with marbles. So far they have not choked. I figure marbles are smooth enough to pass right through, right? It's not like they're thumbtacks.) yelling (because he likes to narrate everything he does, mostly at high volumes), "I have tiny balls!"
Which was true.

The Bouncer

Don't let his cute, pudgy demeanor fool you. He will totally kick your ass, or at least throw golf balls at your head until you give in.

The answer is NO.

So, "Exile in Boyville."

Case in point.....

It froze last night, and Alec and I stepped outside this morning to survey the damage to our lovely big pumpkins. One had, sure enough, turned wrinkly on the top side, and the bottom side had become wet, shingly pumpkin squoosh.
Alec's immediate reaction was, "Wow! Can I sit in it?"

Now, really.

I grew up as the oldest of three sisters. We took part in our share of tree-climbing and snake-catching and whatnot, but I think I can speak for all of us that it would never have crossed our minds to want to sit in a huge, rotten pumpkin.  I think I can speak for virtually every female I have ever met. These little people come from a different planet.

And my cousin in Alaska!

At least I'm entertaining someone besides myself.

following

And my Dad!

followed

Yay! I have a follower! It's my mom!

eats, shoots, and leaves

I spent three and a half hours in a meeting today ("Professional Development") in which our presenter, who is really nice and really knowledgeable about certain, obviously rather limited, things, persisted in using 'criteria' as the singular. What is your criteria? Take a look at this criteria.

This is the kind of shit that drives me straight out of my tree.

Again, with the job thing. Maybe I want to get fired. Over my blog. Ha.

At the store

Alec: Hey, Mom, can I have Spiderman fruit snacks?
Me: No.
Alec: Can I have a Halloween balloon?
Me: No.
Alec: Can I have a bag of Snickers?
Me: No.
Alec: What is this?
Me: A summer sausage.
Alec: Can I have it?
Me: No.
Alec: Why?
Me: Because it's gross.
Alec: Why?
Me: Because it's full of chemicals and things you shouldn't eat.
Alec: Why?
Me: Well, so they don't have to refrigerate it and stuff. But really, nobody should eat meat that doesn't go in the fridge.
Alec: Why not?
Me:  Because...hey Alec, I really need you to sit in the racecar cart and drive for a while.
Alec: Why?
Me: Because it's hard for Mama to think about what to buy when you ask me all these questions.

(wait for it.....)

Alec: But why?

testing

Well, I looked on the Department of Education website, and it told me little. I also looked on the Colorado Dept of Ed website, which also mostly failed to enlighten me. I know our district's motto is "Educating Every Student for Success," which I can tell you ain't happening.

Wait - isn't there some blog-etiquette thing about not discussing one's job too much? Wow - first in-laws and now job. I'm doomed.

testing

testing, testing, testing. as if a barrage of assessment is going to fix things. what is the goal of public education anyway?

life with poultry

"Mama, there's a chicken in the playroom!"