the wonders of childhood

Isaac: "Mom! Mom! Come look!! My nectarine is just like a buttcrack!"

school's out

101: number of hours since I walked out of my classrooms for the summer

33: number of hours since houseguests departed

4: pounds of bacon cooked during their stay

182: number of days I desperately looked forward to summer vacation

1,007: number of times I refereed arguments between my children on our first day home alone together

vocabulary

Isaac (4): "Mom! Hey, Mom! I know a rhyming word!"

Mom: "Good for you, honey."

Isaac: "Guess what it is!"

Mom: "What?"

Isaac: "I know that ham rhymes with damn!"

Mom: "..."

Reason #18

Why Everyone Should Have a Cat

Because you know what would go great with that carpet? A shitload of freshly-ripped-out dove feathers!

Driveshaft Installed

Armageddon averted.

You're welcome.

Reason #17

Why Everyone Should Have a Cat

My cat's favorite thing to drink is water, but not just any water, and definitely not the water in any sort of a pet dish. The best water is the drippy water left in the tub after you shower. The second-best water is the water in the glass you just set down, and the best way to obtain this water is not even by just sticking her head in the glass, oh no. The best way is to stick her foot in it and then lick the water off of her foot and then repeat.
She's a cat. You and I both know where that foot has been.

party like it's 1999.

Reader, you may not have realized the delicate balance in which all of our lives currently hang.  So let me enlighten you. If the sun does not rise tomorrow and our planet implodes into a little puff of dust, it's because Ryan. Was not able. To install his driveshaft. In time.

I know it's a lot to process, so go ahead and take a minute to let it sink in.

What? You don't think the world will end if he doesn't get his rock-crawler working?

Oh. Well, that's an interesting theory, too. I guess we'll just see who's right.